Awfulizing and Demandingness
Definition
REBT identifies two core irrational beliefs in this category:
Demandingness (Absolutistic Thinking)
A rigid, unrealistic, and absolute expectation that events or people must or should be the way one desires them to be. The formula: “Because I want it a certain way, it should be that way.”
Demandingness is considered the root belief from which most other irrational beliefs are thought to derive. It reflects an illogical jump from preference (“I would like X”) to demand (“X must happen”).
Awfulizing
The catastrophic belief that an event is worse than 100% bad—that nothing could be worse, nothing good can come from it, and one cannot overcome it. Awfulizing transforms a genuine problem into a perceived catastrophe.
Clinical Relevance
These beliefs are central to many presentations:
- Anxiety: “I must perform perfectly, and if I don’t, it’s awful”
- Anger/Rage: “Others must treat me fairly, and their unfairness is intolerable”
- Depression: “I must succeed at everything, and my failures mean I’m worthless”
- Procrastination: “The task must be perfectly done, and starting it is awful”
The antidote is acceptance: acknowledging one’s preferences whilst accepting that the world may not conform to them. One can still work toward change, but from a place of realistic acceptance rather than rigid demand.
Rational Alternatives
- Instead of “It must be this way” → “I prefer it this way, but I can accept and cope with reality as it is”
- Instead of “This is awful” → “This is bad/difficult, but not unbearable; I can and will survive and potentially grow from it”
How Different Frameworks Address This
| Framework | Approach |
|---|---|
| REBT | Direct disputation of the must and awfulizing; philosophical work on acceptance and tolerance |
| CBT | May challenge catastrophic thinking through evidence and behavioral experiments |
| ACT | Acceptance of discomfort without necessarily changing the thought content; values-directed action despite the thought |
| CFT | May address underlying shame or vulnerability driving the rigid thinking |